Respectful silence around Sheila

Hints of a playground fiasco

Door jam art finally gets its due

More marbles for young Gary (6% increase in new tax code)

Couch-littered highway declared “bad miracle”

Man with odd hand gets known for something better

Tight fit causes brief yelling at rehearsal dinner

Breeze brings relief, smiles

Tim, determined to reinvent his scent, fails

Malarkey staved

Lonely meatball decomposes behind garden gnome

Kohl’s Cash gives Bitcoin massive wedgie

That lamp, they found a place for it

Feeble monkey given power of flight

“Should I swim or wade?” new hot question

Ode to joy not a lie this time

Backyard forts become filled with Terrys

Shrimp salad hugely popular despite overwhelming negative response

Boredom banished, replaced by gooey treats

Feet outsourced in record numbers

A table collapses on Richard, hurting his pride and fracturing his wrist

Lotta clouds

Michelob finally gives up, doesn’t even say “goodbye”

Lottery winner buys a tank, gets a reality show, dies alone, in a barn, off camera

Hectic schedules cause birthday-cake tussle in break room

Arby’s conquers the globe!

Bill from book club reveals a secret that shatters the group’s goodwill

A drive along the coast restores peace for some, causes frustration for others

Device touches toes for you, without revealing the truth

Morgan grows wings in utero only to have them lopped off by cranky nurse

Hundred-year-old carving in tree sanded off to make room for Bruce Willis plaque

Kindness spreads like wildfire through local Gymboree©

Glass ceiling shatters onto nude boner

Film of every smile discovered in ancient wooden leg

Jar of sweets opened, shared by Kim

Guy predicts milk will solve a conundrum

Hand holding a “thing” again

President or some such change name of ceiling fans to “SEALING FLANS”

Chambray finally come into its own

Couple Judys start their own line of jams (separately, legal battle ensues, Netflix make doc)

Fit and trim new governor eats hoagie for votes

Secret mountain not so secret after Corey blabs

Some folks’ll remember something fondly and try to get us to

Steam powered breakthrough mocked at convention

Grandpa Evan continues his war on bees

More deaths from sighing

Birth rate rises after success of my traveling show

No one remembers Donny at camp reunion

Hoverboard eat baby

Clueless gardener still believes “spaghetti tree” gag

Renegade bagboy turn world on ear with batty wisdom

Hope still float

Ocean wins singing competition, mob riots on beach

Huge bones of unknown old thing distract briefly from mundane events

Cattle learn basic Spanish

Sack of wet leaves triggers memories of home

A Vine Series

HUGE comeback for pita bread

some incidents of chafing

good ol’ Gary gonna keep on trying

hot dog in trash gets you thinking

bad memories of sherbet still strong

some film or another will give you a brief fleeting hope

you’ll come across that leaf you pressed in a book

push mower done for good this time

you’ll commit fully to that new belt buckle

what’s with all these goddamn sinkholes?

panic over rising shrimp costs

more families use triangle again to signal dinner time

talking fish movie take world by storm

Glade® beat out Febreze® for once

friend Kim change hairstyle on same day celebrity die and no one notice

you’ll have a few hard laughs that will feel life changing

Ted Travelstead is stupid enough to fall for spam scams, but also stupid enough to undermine them.

Here’s a fun experiment I did five years ago for Vanity Fair.

Video for Eleanor Friedberger’s “My Own World.”

Video for Superchunk’s “Void,” directed by Scott Jacobson.

witstream:

@trumpetcake is pretty much the best. Here’s some proof and here is some more proof:

Followed this treasure map all day before I realized it was an old diaper. :(

— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake)

August 26, 2013

1. What was your first exposure to Twitter?

I had a few…