If you are between 20 and 65 and reasonably healthy, this test provides a life-insurance-company’s-eye view of the future.

Start with the number 72.

GENDER

If you are a male, subtract 3.

-

If you are a female, add 4.

-

If you are a male desperately seeking a female subtract 9.

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LIFESTYLE    

If you live in an urban area with a

population over 2,000,000, subtract 2.

-

If you live in a town under 10,000,

or on a farm, add 2.

-

If you live in a duck blind on your

ex-in-law’s land, subtract 9.

-

If you work behind a desk, subtract 3.

-

If your work requires consistently

demanding physical labor, add 3.

-

If you’ve ever worked at a business

with the word “Subs” in the title,

subtract 6.

-

If you exercise strenuously

(tennis, running, swimming, etc.)

5 times a week for at least half

an hour, add 2.

-

If you are forced into couple’s

figure-skating lessons by your wife

or girlfriend subtract 1.

-

If making Smores is your idea of

a “heavy workout” subtract 12.

-

If you live a with a spouse or

lover, add 5.

-

If you’re a male over 35, and you’re

still living with your “buds,” in a

“Poon Palace,” subtract 20.

PSYCHE

Sleep 6 to 8 hours a night? Add 3.

-

Cry yourself to sleep in the tub

each evening? Subtract 4.

-

Are you intense, aggressive, easily

angered? Subtract 3.

-

Are you easygoing, relaxed, a

follower? Add 3.

-

Do you carve obscenities into your

leg with a paperclip while sitting at

your desk? Subtract 17.

-

Are you happy? Add 1.

-

Unhappy? Subtract 1.

-

Weeping as you read this? Subtract 3.

-

Have you had a speeding ticket in

the last year? Subtract 1.

-

Have given or received oral pleasure in

the cab of a cement mixer? Add 4.

-

Shared a thermos of wine with a hitchhiker

of indeterminate gender? Subtract 7.

-

SUCCESS

Earn over $75,000 a year? Add 1.

-

Still sneaking change from your

Mom’s purse, even though you no

longer live with her? Subtract 9.

-

If you finished college add 1.

-

If you have a graduate or

professional degree, add 2.

-

If you’ve purchased motivational

products advertised in the

wee hours of the morning, subtract 6.

-

If you ever poured out your troubles

to a statue in the park, subtract 12.

-

If you’re over 65 and still working,

add 3.

-

If you’re over 85 and a greeter at

Wal-Mart, subtract 4.

HEREDITY

If any of your grandparents lived to 85,

add 2.

-

If all 4 grandparents lived to 80,

Add 6.

-

If all four grandparents are over 80,

and currently living with you, subtract 14.

-

If either parent died of a stroke

or heart attack before the age of

50, subtract 4.

-

If either parent has nicknamed

him or herself “Corky” and lives in

a homemade flying saucer, subtract 9.

HEALTH

Do you smoke more than two packs a day?

Subtract 8.

-

Do you smoke one pack a day? Subtract 6.

-

Do you smoke a pipe and have a Captain’s

beard? Subtract 12.

-

Do you drink more than three alcoholic

drinks a day? Subtract 1.

-

Do you habitually set yourself on fire doing

“flaming bastard” shots? Subtract 4.

-

Are you underweight by 15 lb. or more?

Subtract 6.

-

Are you overweight by 50 lb. or more?

Subtract 8.

-

Have you taken to wearing body paint because

it’s the only thing you’ll fit into? Subtract 12.

-

Men over 40, if you have annual check-ups, add 2.

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Woman, if you get regular mammograms, add 2.

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If your doctor’s office is located on the subway platform, or in a treehouse, subtract 7.

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Tally your score, and whatever number you are left with is the number of minutes you’ve wasted doing pointless math.

To life!!!!